26 April 2014

Week Thru Textz

I don't have much to talk about tbh. I am either updating my Snapchat mystory or stalking Kylie Jenner on Instagram. Sometimes I like to go on a walk. ;)

Here are some of the texts I have been sent this week. I have cropped out the people's names. Maybe you can guess who they are! HEHE!  Enjoy !

a text from a secret admirer.. y ppl playing hard 2 get?!

anutha fan ..x email me next time lol 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *(&%$ !!! <

Brrr izit cold in ere?? Nar it's just me!! lol ! x

every little elps

u know dem texts u get from dat speshul 1? well look no further.. . :) x

banta banta!! plz drink beer not fanta!! she wore a yell0  ribbon n dat

no fux given in my world..x

Guns n pork

Always falin 4 da bad bois ..xx

2 waved to remember this breh..lol fuk x

2 chill 4 my old dam gd!!!!

call me mrs robinson. #cougar

'never never never giv up'

17 April 2014

Parti House

So I haven't been out in a while due 2 tot@l werk ova load!!! lol so on my lunch break I thought I'd sit down and watch a party on CHANNEL 40D to live through their experience.
where da rav3 at???!! 

"With no advert breaks, no commentary and no interruptions, a line-up of top international DJs - Grandmaster Flash, Annie Mac, Horse Meat Disco, Soul II Soul, Erick Morillo and A-Trak - play live to the nation with six hour-long sets in a clubbing experience like no other. This is not a programme about clubbing; this is the club." 

Wot is dis? U ask. --- It's the new show 'Party House' on e4. DUH.

First off, the show starts at Bussey Building (classique), and some irrelevant market in Peckham. #trendy #SOUTHLDN!!! #Giggs

Then it zooms in to these three absolute yats. One with blue hair ( so five years ago ) with bright yellow teeth, some fatter Blonde Kate Nash lookalike and some fuck who looked like she tried for a job at Grazia. They looked like extras in 'My Mad Fat Diary'. And that's a compliment to dese luvely ladies. lol.

Then the other shits who make up the 'crew' are in Beyond Retro on Brick Lane. This shop's a bit unknown, so hold tight if you don't know of it yet ;). Some gal who thinks she's Jameela Jamil but looks more like a wax figurine is parring off her closeted gay friend who is the 'heartthrob' of the bunch. Picture Enrique's ugly younger brother. 'Omigawdddd ur so weiiirddd, like that top is totes odd!' says the girl to this dude as his picks up a 'controversial' tie dye vest. Need I say more.

Already gripped by the enthralling plot line, things heat up a lil when the frisky 'Shoey' crops up on the scene. He looks like he'd serve pints up at the local Wetherspoons, and maybe audition for the voice singing a Matt Cardle tuuuune m8! He clearly thought he was the Jamie Laing of this bunch, which was very very painful to watch. They have an irrelevant conversation about 'birds', 'booze' and 'banter'. (the 3 bs!!!!!! x).

On the edge of my seat, the party house is opened and all h3ll breaks loose. Shoey is the 'MC' for the night, and bless his heart n soul, sounds like an ex alcoholic magician 'IS EVERY1 HAVING FUN???? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, IS EVERYONE HAVING FUN???!!!!!'. At this point all the girls are hammered off one Mojito (WKD) and giggling dere pants off at this joker. Blue hair chick gets onto stage and steals the mic. The whole room stops and stares. She seduktively utters into the mic 'You're getting laid tonight. Right here. Right now.' and grabs Shoey.

Shoey rejects her and she screws Enrique jr.



11 April 2014

SOUTH : trendy or whut

The word 'gentrification' has been tossed around in practically every article at the moment. Shit like 'SOUTH is the new EAST' and 'Peckham is so trendy'. The word trendy is so five years ago, on the same line as 'snog' and the phrase 'bog off'. Shout outs to Tracey Beaker for those great sayings.

NUMERO UNO :http://www.neverunderdressed.com/people/news/south-east-londons-cooler-than-shoreditch-just-don-t-tell-anyone

Any way, the whole concept of 'young creatives' or maybe 'thirsty trend luvers' packing up from probably Chiswick or Shepherds  Bush to South London because it's emerging is bullshit. Yes, I can say the nightlife in South is pretty great; Corsica and Bussey being my only hot spotz, but living is a lot different than spending a night in Elephant and Castle.

NGL, moving to Camberwell I thought I'd feel more badass and probably look more alt. However, waking up and everyday being surrounded by chicken shops, a women claiming her baby has just died and she needs money for 'gas' and 'electricity' aka crack and heroin isn't so 'hip'. This may seem snobby, but whatever.

For me, there is a constant feeling of 'gloominess.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's good if you're with a awesum group of people in Camberwell living there, but for people who are probably 50+ dealing with a mid life crisis, or dudes who wear BOY London, writing articles about how fucking hip South London is, really DOESN'T make it hip at all. Like 'omg da culture is so organic n raw'... please. Ealing might as well be a culture hub since you practically live in Poland if you live there. T
   he thing is, the people who aren't art students in South are probably laughing at us all like 'who r u?', because for them, they're living in that area because they grew up there, not because they thought it was the IT thing to do.

Arguments such as 'Dalston is over' and 'the style in East is was more try hard than South' is slightly laughable. In Camberwell/New Cross it's fair enough less 'I own a lookbook' but more 'I'm vegan and this top was made by my Boyfriend's Mum who does pottery n shit lol!!'. So, I guess, it's all as pretentious as eachother.

South is cool, living there has its ups n downs, but people really need to stop writing about how cool it is, because then it will turn into Camden or Brick Lane; full of tourists, Rokit's, and chihuahuas.


6 April 2014

Clubbin: in the know

Do u feel like a small fish in a big pond? Do u feel like u just..dnt belong? No probs, read this and you'll fly thru a thing I like to call nite life . ;)

1.) shades at nite

This is so cool. Like, basically if you're coming up too hard, you fink you're seeing yesterday's dinner on the dance floor and you're gurning (omg!!) glasses hide it all. Whilst you don't want people to see your pupils, you're also beckoning the crucial question of 'fuk that guy is fuked'! You get me? So you look cool with your primark sunnies, but it looks like you don't care. I advise to buy a quilted poncho to wear with this, as it is both organic and native #culture. Lose your friends and dance by urself, because, 'why blend into the crowd whem you were born to stand out'?

2.) make friends

Instead of holding a decent convo, because the dnb is obviously gonna be too fkin loud, make easy small chat.

In the toilets : 'cor blimey m8, these taps r grimey, I've got the runs jus lookin at it.'
This shows that you're honest and open, probing the target to laugh and break the ice.

On the dance floor : (must carry a shoulder satchel) 'ey, want sum pills?'
This is pretty controversial but it works. Girls will think ur a bad boy, and guys will think you're a str8 up rav3r///Miley Cyrus.

In the smoking area: 'low me a toke of ur ciggy'.
Shit. This line screams 'I'm in control, and I can kick it with the yout. 'Low' short for 'allow' is really chilled and it's really in at the moment. People will think 'Jesus this gurl is safe' and they'll let you share their zoobie ;) ;) ;)

3.) pictures or it didn't happen

What's the point of going out if you haven't papped it? Make sure you often take a picture in the club. When it's being taken, look scared, roll yer eyes back, or stick up a middle finger (crazy, I know ). This way, your fb friends will know you've have a chaotic but fuuukked night out. Hashtags are also key. I like the following

: #onacomedown #butwellworthit, #fuk #bestniteofmylife #trippy #drugslol #dank

#theceilingcantholdus #sorrymum #drunk #shish

I hope u all can bring these key facts into your life.